blog RESTART

finally after 5-6 months of lull on my blog ...i return to it ...for i a host of reasons ....primarily
1) i shifted to a new bigger house....
2) i got new and sexy neighbours...
3) i screwd up cmfortably in CAT,XAT ,FMS,IIFT,JMET n blah blah....whatevr possible mba entrance exams...so nothing left to do to while away my time...
4) my fone bill is more sky-rocketting than cheap mumbai taxi meters...
5) my new year resolution states no more junk food....
6) today republic day offers all the more reason to go public...huh..bad one again...
7) i have run out of episodes of prisonbreak...
8) tata nano will be out on roads only after nov 08.

AMMORES PASSPORTES…..

Now this is interesting……I am finally elated that after months of delay….due to technical reasons(huh…technical)..i applied for the passport….

N usherin India In the 21^st century…one is quite bogged down wid the IT hoopla n

e-governance associated wid it…huh..bottomline…they have SIMPLIFIED(?) the PROCESS..by online application procedure.

I was pleased wid the online form which gave exact time of appointment…

Ppl…the form gives u a time at which u have to report to submit the form..

I dreamt of the simple way of appplyin for passport..

My dream:

1) passport office is least crowded ….since u have APPOINTMENT..u dnt worry about LINE n stuff…

2) POLITE customer representatives guiding the the lay-man wid the required documents.

3) The atmosphere is pleasing…the wall posters show pics of various international cities n u stand there dreaming a plane to catch for the same…

Huh….but my dream was conspired against n not fulfilled,

courtesy Ministry of external affairs,Govt. of India.

REALITY:

1) passport office was ballooning wid ppl….u must have visit there to see just how many ppl wanna fly outta here…the line was a serpentine queue…like some rationing line…or someone said “ morning call” line in a chawl….

2) The officers there …..hmm…they belong to class knwn as “ impoliteness in our blood”…HELP is the last thing they can ever do…

Added monstrosity: u have to get a sign on ur documents frm a short thick man wid Charlie moustache…”decendant of HITLER” is written on his face….like a crazy bull-dog he BARKS on every person who goes 2 him….an agent said to me “if he doesn bark at u, b aassured that ur form is gonna get rejected…”

3) the office is crowded….wid the police shoving us…like we r some bhaiyya

gettinng down frm some mahanagri express…again POLITENESS is the word of

the day…

RESULT:

after 3 hours in the line….n 2 n half hours after my scheduled time…I finally reached the counter….the clock showed “LUNCH TIME”…I for the first time in my life …started prayin fervently..to delay the lunch time…

N GOODNESS GRACIOUS SAKES ALIVE….the lady behind the counter smiled……n like some goddess in some ramanand sagar serial….said “ child ,dnt worry, I will do it”… was I hearing right?…at the moment I felt all the pain against sloth government offices vanish ….i had found a person defyin government standards…I felt like rewardin her with 100 bucks…(but I rerfrained frm doing it as dat wud considerd BRIBE)…my work was done…n went straight to a hotel for a treat.

CONCLUSION

Our mother India loves us very much…n our government (ministry of external affairs) plays like a big brother n helps our mother from not parting away wid her children(dats us) to other mothers(dats other countries we aim 4).

.As a part of the plan…it complicates the passport process…

one has to be really determined to clear dat hurdle…

I cleared it….may GOD give u the strength ..

Kool quotient in gods country

hey...if nebodys wonderin in how to be kool in kerala in terms of attire...
here are some kool dressing tips for boys....
( a mallu gal confided these appealin tips to me on condtions of anonymity)


1) moustache + lungi == kool

2) moustache + beard + lungi+ heavy gold chain == super kool

3) moustache+ beard + lungi + heavy gold chain + harley davidson belt on lungi == ultra cool

4) moustache+ beard+ lungi+ heavy gold chain + harley davidson belt on lungi + riding sports bike == mallu superstar

Kerala trip n the couple undis....part 2

some more facts bout kerala::

5)kerala is spectacularly clean state......pls dont litter n spoil tourist places...
( Wen i accidently threw down a wrapper on the road....the taxiwallah said..."sir, this is not mumbai"...INSULTING BUT VERY TRUE..)
(ppl of mumbai may note....kerala has NO STRAY DOGS N NO HAWKERS CLOGGING ROADS.....ppl fed by both these menaces may consider shiftin to kerala)

6)water n coconuts everywhere....in every frame u can imagine...

7)NO BOLLYWOOD PLEASE: in kerala they have their own big film industry..i gues MALLUWOOD...churnin out more movies than bollywood......film stars MOHANLAL N MAMMOOTY are worshipped after LORD AYYAPPA..

8) if u are fat , have a moustache or beard....then u are perfect hero material in kerala....or atleast u can try ur luck in hoards on mallu channels springing up everyday

for girls more scope…if u r little bit fair…n sort of slim…n have good attitude ….then u are as rare as a DODO.. in kerala…wen u wake up next morn u are mallu superstar..

9) in almost every temple in kerala...men are required to go bare chested wearing only a lungi,,...n women are required to wear sarees...so dnt forget takin lungis n sarees with u on sight seeing everyday...

10) boats are a essential part of life n tourism in kerala....almost every alternate day...u wud be sitting in a boat...

Kerala trip n the couple undis....

hey,....me recently been to kerala n trust me ,
if those ktdc(duh...kerala tourism development corp.) ppl...aggresively advertise it as Gods' country....
they do it...bcos...it truly is....be there to believe it..!!

here are some of basic facts n tips for kerala..

1) kerala is a very beautifull place...pls dont make the blundr of carryin cheap cameras or depending on ur cam phones.....pls carry a proper digi cam....with zoom n all features

2) if u want a bit of reality....dnt book ur tour....just travel alone wid family there....(the advantage of doin this is of course going alone does make ur tour flexible n cost effective ..also..u get to experience the real life...the fun in not knwing the language thre...n still wanting to convey something...) me just booked the return tickets....n other everything of tour we decided there....of course...we followed the pattern of usual tours by popular travels....

3)if u wanna make ur life bit comfy in kerala.....catch hold of ur mallu friend....n learn basic phrases in mallu....language prob does haunt u in kerala except in cities like trivandrum, cochin..
....i dint learn ne..but i am a champ in dumb charades....n dat helped...

4) get used to south indian food....its the only food u get ther...i mean u may get north indian food n also paav bhaaji ...or even delhi chat....but TRUST ME ppl....i wud PREFER FASTING ...than eating that...
even the best hotels serve hopeless north indian food....so JAI IDLI!! JAI DOSA!!JAI SAMBHAR!! N JAI HO...LOTS N LOTS OF RICE!!

remainin facts in next post....
hey btw....u must be wonderin what "couple andis" are ..welll in mallu they mean...ground nuts...
....hrd it when i went to the beach...n trust me wen i hrd dat it sounded so funny,...the hawker thot i was retard...

apologies for no recent posts..

hey my apologies for temporarily discontinuing habit of bloggin.......the
reasons being -
1) as results wer out i was anxious ,n on getting surreptiously low grades ...(like i wasnt xpectin them...but fir bhi..) i was bit off mood to write it down shamelessly..

2) my kerala trip was planned way in advance....i spent most of the time durin my exams plannin for the trip n doing bookins n imaginin somebody massaging me in the spa(ahem ahem...).....rather what was obviously xpected....(no wonder results dint love me)

3)placements....after i returnd frm kerala.....not havin studied the entire vacs...i was bound to cut down on my comp usage..

4) the fight between gujjars n the meenas in rajasthan....well that cant exactly be a reason...but i wanted four reasonss...n cudnt think of nething better...

neways i m back...n wud like to fill the free space provided to me by blogspot.

knw vjti....how to make exam results?

.......hush... ffffinaaalyy....results are out at vjti...
nw u mite say...whats new in results bein out....
let me remind u results at vjti....are more head-ache than watchin 10 aditya pancholi films back to back...bcos....its not that they are just declared n ppl see it..
its BIG PROCESS..WHICH NEEDS TO GO THROUGH PROPER CHANNEL...
the basic aim of the collg is
"MAKE STUDENT SUFFER IN EVERY GODDAMN THING ..TO MAKE THEM BETTER HUMAN BEINGS LATER".
forget the sufferin due to results...even the way we get it...can be a cheap bollywood potbolier...

if u dunno.....here are some of stunnin (ahem..) facts...

1) total mismanagement.....thers no or littl co-ordination between various depts. n of-course our lovely exam dept. staff...n dates of results r put up way in advance even b4 exams begin....never does one of them even contemplate whether their rusted ,snail slow,"tomorrow is a good day 2 start" kinda government mind-sets wud be able to do a ferrari...

2)opaquely transparent..at vjti..results n incorrigible errrors i.e guffaws(in our lingo..ZHOL)...dnt just go hand in ...but are married to each other..often the results are flawed n not pertainin to the parameters set by institute itself....even on payin hefty 500 bucks for reval...students are not allowed 2 see their papers ..
.(xtra info: mumbai univ...provides xerox copy of ur answer sheet for same amount...imagine findin ur rite ppr..frm over lacs of pprs....n at vjti..they find it DIFFICULT 2 do same frm 100 papers...)

3)malicious software.....for calculation of results under a GPA system is a complex process....which if to be perfectly observed cant be done without a software....n the exam authorities CLAIM to have the same...
.but unnamed sources claim the non-existence of ne such thing...n award of grades being done by some "kindergarten" method...huh...whats more..wen u go to have ur results u can see the staff calculatin ur gpa usin simple ORPAT calculators..
(xtra info: these are used by shopkeeepers at cash counter....)